tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65644411730121138152024-02-19T01:44:24.682-08:00TOMA-talkTOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-61597427627425179762013-04-30T08:02:00.002-07:002013-04-30T08:39:25.576-07:00<span style="background-color: white;"></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;">Li<span style="font-size: small;">f<span style="font-size: small;">e With Ca<span style="font-size: small;">ts: P<span style="font-size: small;">art 1</span></span></span></span></span></span></i></h2>
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: small;">I b<span style="font-size: small;">eliev<span style="font-size: small;">e <span style="font-size: small;">cats <span style="font-size: small;">are perhaps more intelligent tha<span style="font-size: small;">n humans. I know for certain that they are more <span style="font-size: small;">empathetic. The more I know people<span style="font-size: small;">, the more I love my cats. I k<span style="font-size: small;">now that many people <span style="font-size: small;">think cats are aloof or uncaring. I surmi<span style="font-size: small;">se this is <span style="font-size: small;">because cats love so richly, and feel so deeply, that they are guarded in init<span style="font-size: small;">ial dealings with a person/p<span style="font-size: small;">e<span style="font-size: small;">ople. <span style="font-size: small;">Their t<span style="font-size: small;">rust isn<span style="font-size: small;">'t eas<span style="font-size: small;">ily earned, but is so worth the effort. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">When Julia, my daughter, was <span style="font-size: small;">4<span style="font-size: small;">, we go<span style="font-size: small;">t her <span style="font-size: small;">a lilac point Siamese. People w<span style="font-size: small;">arned us that Siamese cats were mean and we'd regret<span style="font-size: small;"> it. Last year, after 1<span style="font-size: small;">6<span style="font-size: small;"> 1/2 years of lovin<span style="font-size: small;">g each other<span style="font-size: small;">, Rosalie slipped away. Julia has had a rough time of it growing up<span style="font-size: small;">. She's dealt<span style="font-size: small;"> with not only her issues, but ours. Ralph is developmentally <span style="font-size: small;">disa<span style="font-size: small;">bled and I am bipolar. Jul<span style="font-size: small;">ia ha<span style="font-size: small;">s her own issues<span style="font-size: small;">, both health and emotional. She was born <span style="font-size: small;">6 weeks early, and had RSV at 3 months. She's been as<span style="font-size: small;">thmatic since 1 1/2 <span style="font-size: small;">and began developing the first sympto<span style="font-size: small;">ms of Hidradenitis Suppurativa<span style="font-size: small;"> at <span style="font-size: small;">8. In her teens, on the heels of my bipolar diagnosis, she was dia<span style="font-size: small;">gnosed with bipolar and another disorder. <span style="font-size: small;">We also believe she has Sensory Integration disorder that went undiagnosed. Through it all, Rosalie was her constant companion. Rosalie always <span style="font-size: small;">knew instinctively when Ju<span style="font-size: small;">lia neede<span style="font-size: small;">d her to draw closer, and when to give her space.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">After Rosalie pass<span style="font-size: small;">ed, Leo, a <span style="font-size: small;">long-hair dome<span style="font-size: small;">stic rescue, broke th<span style="font-size: small;">rou<span style="font-size: small;">gh all the pain, and showed Julia that she could love again<span style="font-size: small;">. Yesterday, Leo escaped outdoors, as the w<span style="font-size: small;">as wont to do. He had a wild <span style="font-size: small;">heart that just could not be confined. He left our yard for the first <span style="font-size: small;">time since demanding to be let in our home <span style="font-size: small;">3 years ago, and was struck <span style="font-size: small;">by a vehicle. Julia dis<span style="font-size: small;">covered him by the road. He looked as if he were just a<span style="font-size: small;">sleep. We laid him to rest below my <span style="font-size: small;">June bloo<span style="font-size: small;">ming <span style="font-size: small;">Lilac, where the catni<span style="font-size: small;">p alwa<span style="font-size: small;">ys grows. He w<span style="font-size: small;">as <span style="font-size: small;">drawn to the outdoors so oft<span style="font-size: small;">en by catnip<span style="font-size: small;">. Julia<span style="font-size: small;">'s he<span style="font-size: small;">ar<span style="font-size: small;">t is bro<span style="font-size: small;">ken just one year <span style="font-size: small;">after losing Rosalie. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">The last month o<span style="font-size: small;">r so, Leo was extremely insistent on having Ju<span style="font-size: small;">lia's undivided attention and love. He insi<span style="font-size: small;">sted on it. She'd even have to put do<span style="font-size: small;">wn her laptop for <span style="font-size: small;">him. It was like h<span style="font-size: small;">e kn<span style="font-size: small;">ew his time with her was coming to an end, and wa<span style="font-size: small;">nted to love<span style="font-size: small;"> her as much <span style="font-size: small;">and as intently as he could. <span style="font-size: small;">This lea<span style="font-size: small;">ds me to believe cats have more than j<span style="font-size: small;">ust five <span style="font-size: small;">senses. He need<span style="font-size: small;">ed to love <span style="font-size: small;">her <span style="font-size: small;">as hard as he could, so she had th<span style="font-size: small;">ose times to cling to. Rosalie lingered her la<span style="font-size: small;">st day, until Julia told her it was okay to go. I t<span style="font-size: small;">hink cats have an empathic sense that allows them to read people. I also bel<span style="font-size: small;">ieve t<span style="font-size: small;">hey know when <span style="font-size: small;">their life is coming to an end. I al<span style="font-size: small;">so bel<span style="font-size: small;">ieve a cat can die of a <span style="font-size: small;">broken heart. M<span style="font-size: small;">y lat<span style="font-size: small;">e brother's cat did. We took her in after he passed, but no matter what we did, she just didn't want to live without <span style="font-size: small;">him..</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I know <span style="font-size: small;">a lot of people that don't "like" cats or think they are evil or uncaring. <span style="font-size: small;">I think they <span style="font-size: small;">haven't met the right cat, or are threatened uncon<span style="font-size: small;">sciously by their intellect. I am a Christian. God mad<span style="font-size: small;">e <span style="font-size: small;">cats. He didn't choose them as the form of evil in the Garden. I believe a loving <span style="font-size: small;">God would not create a Heaven where His cr<span style="font-size: small;">eations <span style="font-size: small;">would be exclu<span style="font-size: small;">ded. Any of them. If <span style="font-size: small;">He had mentioned every good thing Heaven would include, the Bible would have been more than double the size. I believe every good gift<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">He has ever given us here will be there. Cats <span style="font-size: small;">(and dogs, fish, hamsters, etc) <span style="font-size: small;">included. He uses the loyalty and love our pets give us as a reminder of His love on a daily basis. We may forget to read the Bible on a bad day, but <span style="font-size: small;">our pets <span style="font-size: small;">are there loving us <span style="font-size: small;">for H<span style="font-size: small;">im. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Thoughts?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </i>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-89656721828614258132012-12-09T13:50:00.000-08:002012-12-09T13:50:02.164-08:00Scary Mother!<i><span style="font-size: large;">Munchausen<span style="font-size: large;"> isn't Mothering</span></span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I have been enjoying "Law & Order" on <span style="font-size: small;">Netflix lately<span style="font-size: small;">, the original series or as Julia puts it: t<span style="font-size: small;">he mother ship. I just wat<span style="font-size: small;">ched an episode entitled "Pre<span style="font-size: small;">cio<span style="font-size: small;">us". The subject was a parent that suffered <span style="font-size: small;">"Mun<span style="font-size: small;">chausen by pro<span style="font-size: small;">xy" s<span style="font-size: small;">y<span style="font-size: small;">ndrome. I was drawn i<span style="font-size: small;">nto the storyline. I found myself feeling angry. I was on board with <span style="font-size: small;">Sam Waterston's character when h<span style="font-size: small;">e suggested sterilization as a plea bargain offer. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I flashed back on my<span style="font-size: small;"> Julia's infancy. I remember<span style="font-size: small;"> feeling like <span style="font-size: small;">I never achieved REM sleep the fi<span style="font-size: small;">r<span style="font-size: small;">st ye<span style="font-size: small;">ar and a half of her life. I fel<span style="font-size: small;">t gu<span style="font-size: small;">ilt over sm<span style="font-size: small;">oking during pregnancy. I worried that she wou<span style="font-size: small;">ld suffer crib death. I would <span style="font-size: small;">wake up and use a flashlight to stare at her chest to see if it was moving and she was <span style="font-size: small;">brea<span style="font-size: small;">thi<span style="font-size: small;">ng. I still do. Not as often. Bu<span style="font-size: small;">t my guilt has never completely gone away. Julia was 4, <span style="font-size: small;">6<span style="font-size: small;">, or 8<span style="font-size: small;"> weeks <span style="font-size: small;">premature, had RSV at 2 1/2 <span style="font-size: small;">mon<span style="font-size: small;">th<span style="font-size: small;">s<span style="font-size: small;">, and developed asthma by 1 1<span style="font-size: small;">/2 years old, a<span style="font-size: small;">ll likely due to my smoking during pregnanc<span style="font-size: small;">y<span style="font-size: small;">. At least to my guilty min<span style="font-size: small;">d. <span style="font-size: small;">Not all of th<span style="font-size: small;">ose con<span style="font-size: small;">ditions <span style="font-size: small;">have been proven yet. I managed with the help of my mother and siste<span style="font-size: small;">r, to <span style="font-size: small;">treat RSV at home using a wa<span style="font-size: small;">rm mist humidi<span style="font-size: small;">fier, and a recliner to hold her in a slanted position 24/7 for over 3 days until her condition stabilized. In older children, and those that were not prematu<span style="font-size: small;">re, RSV (resp<span style="font-size: small;">iratory s<span style="font-size: small;">y<span style="font-size: small;">scinctial? virus</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>) is not much more than<span style="font-size: small;"> a cold. For preemies with under<span style="font-size: small;">de<span style="font-size: small;">veloped lungs, it can be and <span style="font-size: small;">often is fatal. Today t<span style="font-size: small;">her<span style="font-size: small;">e exist<span style="font-size: small;">s a vaccine given to preemies at birth <span style="font-size: small;">for <span style="font-size: small;">RSV. A link between RS<span style="font-size: small;">V<span style="font-size: small;"> and asth<span style="font-size: small;">ma has been shown to be probable. I<span style="font-size: small;"> st<span style="font-size: small;">ruggled with guilt over ev<span style="font-size: small;">er<span style="font-size: small;">y asthma attack, every episode of bronchit<span style="font-size: small;">is, every <span style="font-size: small;">time she <span style="font-size: small;">had any breathing issue, even h<span style="font-size: small;">yperventilation syndrome. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I find my<span style="font-size: small;">self baffled by so<span style="font-size: small;">meone who can <span style="font-size: small;">kill for<span style="font-size: small;"> the rush they get from s<span style="font-size: small;">ympathy. I never wanted sympathy, I wanted a cure. I wanted to go ba<span style="font-size: small;">ck and never smoke. I worried someti<span style="font-size: small;">mes <span style="font-size: small;">that the doctors at <span style="font-size: small;">the emergency room would think I was a <span style="font-size: small;">sufferer of Muncha</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>us<span style="font-size: small;">e<span style="font-size: small;">n<span style="font-size: small;"> because it fe<span style="font-size: small;">lt like we<span style="font-size: small;"> were<span style="font-size: small;"> so often there. I didn't want attention. I<span style="font-size: small;"> wanted Julia to b<span style="font-size: small;">e well. I wante<span style="font-size: small;">d her not to s<span style="font-size: small;">uffer because I was f<span style="font-size: small;">oolish <span style="font-size: small;">enough to den<span style="font-size: small;">y smoking could cause prematurity, etc. There w<span style="font-size: small;">as a portable crib in our be<span style="font-size: small;">droom and a regular crib in Julia's room. She never slept in her bedroom until she got her "big girl"</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span> "Bar<span style="font-size: small;">ney" bed. She was a year and half old. I nearly wore out the c<span style="font-size: small;">arpet <span style="font-size: small;">after she started sleeping in there. If I got up to pee, I checked on<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">her. If I woke up for any reason, I checked on her. O<span style="font-size: small;">verprotective? May<span style="font-size: small;">be. Guilt<span style="font-size: small;">? C<span style="font-size: small;">ertainly. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I cannot fathom "Munchause<span style="font-size: small;">n by Proxy". I think the<span style="font-size: small;">se people are missing a tr<span style="font-size: small;">u<span style="font-size: small;">e maternal gene. They<span style="font-size: small;"> do<span style="font-size: small;"> not have the capacity in them to care for another person. I don't think that we necessarily sterilize <span style="font-size: small;">them, bu<span style="font-size: small;">t I <span style="font-size: small;">think it should be<span style="font-size: small;"> offe<span style="font-size: small;">red them as a voluntary option. I think p<span style="font-size: small;">sychother<span style="font-size: small;">apy should be a mandate in any sentence related to the syn<span style="font-size: small;">drom<span style="font-size: small;">e. I<span style="font-size: small;">t is s<span style="font-size: small;">tu<span style="font-size: small;">nning that<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">there is no screening during pregnancy <span style="font-size: small;">for this mental defect. If I had the capac<span style="font-size: small;">ity to sc<span style="font-size: small;">ientifi<span style="font-size: small;">cly study this, I would do so. If there were a screeni<span style="font-size: small;">ng, early<span style="font-size: small;"> intervention might help the sufferers cope and perhaps even play a role in raising children. <span style="font-size: small;">Perhaps they haven't locat<span style="font-size: small;">ed <span style="font-size: small;">e<span style="font-size: small;">nough victims to mandate a study. I find it te<span style="font-size: small;">r<span style="font-size: small;">rifying that someone out there may have this, and no one knows <span style="font-size: small;">or can help. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </i>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-69815945654758715512012-07-26T14:43:00.001-07:002012-07-26T14:43:36.304-07:00Are Debtor's Prisons Making a Comeback? (when free isn't free)<span><span style="background-color: blue;"></span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">Friends
~ I am an anger crier. The angrier I am, the more tears fall. Tears are
streaming down my face right now. Did you know that you could be
prosecuted for theft if you forget to return, misplace, or damage a
library book if you can't afford to pay for it?!?!?!? I don't know where
to start.<br /> When Ali reached sexual maturity, it was a few weeks
before we could get him fixed. We didn't know until well afterwards,
that he had "anointed" a bag of library books. The cheesy plastic bags
they use now do very little if any to deter liquids. Well, when we
packed up and returned library books, they said the smell ruined books
in other bags as well. I had lingered over returning the ones we found
while cleaning because we found a few more that were damaged. I was
already in fear of the bill for the ones already returned. Many were
around $30 PLUS a $5 processing fee per book, because they charge you
labor also.<br /> Today, I got a letter in the mail from the prosecutor's
office notifying me that if I don't return and/or pay for all damaged
items, and appear on August 8th at 10 am, I will be prosecuted for theft
and pursued accordingly. <br /> I have a lot of problems with this for several reasons. <br />
1. One of our founding fathers' principles was to eliminate the concept
of debtor's prisons. I assumed this meant, that debts would be pursued
as civil, not criminal matters.<br /> 2. I can only assume that those
"storm clouds" are smoke rising from Simon J Peabody's grave. If he left
any descendants, I think they should sue to have his name disassociated
with the current incarnation of the library. He has to be spinning in
his grave so fast he's making storm clouds of smoke. If something sounds
like thunder, I would assume it to be him groans of agony of the
perversion of his dream of a library for every man. So much for his
dream of a FREE library.<br /> 3. If I have to pay a processing fee of $5
per item, and I assume 4 or more items processed per hour, I am
DEFINITELY in the WRONG profession. (And to think I thought
prostitution paid well.) This is RIDICULOUS!!<br /> 4. When did we lose
the "FREE" anyway? I know it was Peabody Free Library from inception
through my childhood at least. Sorry, Simon, I mourn with you.<br /> 5.
Public libraries were intended to be a resource for every man, not just
the wealthy. When did this change? Does the Andrew Carnegie Foundation
know this changed. I certainly hope the local library doesn't receive
grants from an honorable association as this!<br /> 6. The last time I
checked, there was no longer any free legal aid. How are we supposed to
defend ourselves? I have seen this communities public defenders, and
most are a joke, revenge of the rich on poor. <br /> 7. I was always one of the library's BIGGEST proponents. Reality is a BITCH, (pardon my profanity, but reality is painful)<br /> Well, this is a painful situation in more ways than I care to count.<br />
I WAS a HEAVY USER of THE library, at one time holding the
inter-library loan (ILL) record of 82 in one month. I used the android
overdrive app to read e-books, easier on my neuropathy than holding
heavy books, especially late in the day. I used the internet and the
computers before I had my own and access at home. I did my online work
there when I still sold Avon. <br /> I am still grieving the loss of
access to the public library. I know they made a lot of people angry
when they offered free access to those whose township budgeted tax
dollars for their funding and had a fee for those whose didn't. I have
always lived in a township that participated. My heart aches over the
loss. I cannot afford to buy books. If I could, I wouldn't need a free
library. I think our community needs to take a stand against the
library's new policies. It is ironic that an agent protected by the
constitution under the 1st amendment umbrella wants to strip its patrons
of freedom from prosecution for imprisonment for debts. It is indeed a
dark day for Columbia City, home of the oppressed poor, and the Pol Pot
of libraries.<span class="fcg"> — at Columbia City, IN.</span></span></span></i><span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text"></span></h6>
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="fcg">PS ~ </span></span></span></i><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="fcg"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="commentBody" data-jsid="text">The bills total over $1,100 for me and about $1,00 for Julia. We live off less than my bill for an average month!</span></span></i></h6>
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="fcg"><br /></span></span></span></i></h6>
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="fcg"> </span></span></span></i></h6>
TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-88811883720289764622011-01-19T10:44:00.000-08:002011-01-19T13:59:10.703-08:00We don't need 'no' stinkin' subscription TV!<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 51);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Our income dropped dramatically the past month due to our girl aging out of dependent child benefits (her daddy is disabled, as am I). We are surviving off his benefits and the four hours of pay I struggle to earn each week. As a result, after having Dish Network in my home since marriage, except for the couple of years we tried cable, they cut us off.<br />I admit to being spoiled by using the dual dvr they offered. Where our home is situated, we were never able to get a good analog signal when it was my parent's mobile home. When Ralph & I were moving in to take care of momma, we had cable and due to rising prices, succumbed once again to the lure of the dish. In spite of being good customers for many, many years, they are driven by the almighty dollar, which we didn't have this month.<br />We are still considering direcTV, but I am leery seeing costs rise for my sister. I fear we would wind up with the same situation. Locked in price and contract, we would get sticker shock by hidden costs ascribed to taxes, etc.<br />As for missing my favorite shows, there's always the internet. Most major networks put full episodes up on their websites the day after the episode airs. This allows them to get their commercial dollars for all markets. They look just as good on my laptop as my tv, just smaller.<br />If I could scare up the money for a "slingbox" or blu-ray player with internet connectivity, I could get the internet content on my tv, including movies from netflix. Pretty soon, that will be the only way to get netflix, streaming to laptop or tv, anyway.<br />I do have to hold myself down though. I got so into this week's Hawaii Five-O that I nearly jostled my laptop off my lap!<br />I am more productive without the constant influx of tv intruding in my day anyway.<br />PS Hey Dish Network, how did my package deal that is advertised at $34.95 end up being over $76 per month? Sticker shock from hidden charges!<br /></span></span></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-15911922819756381932010-11-16T09:27:00.000-08:002010-11-16T10:07:31.657-08:00I Hear Voices!<span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-style: italic;">It used to hold a stigma if you uttered, I hear voices. It wasn't just an awesome country song by Chris Young. The video of this song is awesome, so here's the link - <object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oLCfb54e_kM?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oLCfb54e_kM?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object> I hope this works. I am not great with some of the technical aspects of blogging. Anyway, on the way home from work, this song came on the radio, and my mind immediately seized on the topic, and set off warp factor 1, Mr <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Sulu</span>! (Yes, I am a "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">trekkie</span>" and I came out of the nerd closet years ago!)<br />I got to thinking about the term "hearing voices". Like I said, it used to hold a negative connotation, that of a psychotic break, usually schizophrenic. (The plus side of growing up in a home with schizophrenics, is you are familiar with symptoms.) I remember being afraid I was either crazy of missing something, because as a hearing impaired individual, I was always listening so hard for voices.<br />If you have significant hearing loss, you are always on alert, lest you miss someone talking to you, especially at school, where not hearing a teacher has consequences! I struggled a lot of years because I didn't have hearing aids. I probably would have qualified for assistance and hearing aids, as well as other assistance as a child, were I not the daughter of a spousal-abusing schizophrenic that isolated his family. I never received training in lip reading, but apparently over the years a developed a fair amount of this skill.<br />As a teen, my mother introduced me to the world she grew up in. She was granddaughter of a locally famous, or should I say infamous, spiritualist minister. He was credited with her surviving polio, using methods that weren't yet prevalent at the time, as well as spiritualist dogma like the laying on of hands, "measuring", and spirit/psychic healing. I remember my first visit to the Spiritualist Church in Fort Wayne at the corner of Spring St and Wells St. I remember Reverend Bernice coming up to me after and saying, "You hear voices, don't you?" She put a hand on my shoulder and told me it was okay and I shouldn't be afraid. She told me that the dead can't hurt me, only the living can. It calmed my fears as she reassured me that I was NOT crazy.<br />Ironically enough, going to church at a Wesleyan church years later, those fears came back with a vengeance. The doctrine implies that if we hear voices, it's probably demons.<br />In the country song, the lyrics expound on the voices being memories of loved ones giving us words to live by. I know there are times I can just hear Momma or Daddy telling me something important, and when I recall it, I hear it in their voices. All this is leading to a point, I promise.<br />Anyway, I got to thinking, what if all of it is true? What if God speaks to us in voices we are familiar with, so as to get our attention? Maybe "psychic" messages warning of imminent danger are actually messages from a loving Father God who wants to protect us? What if he speaks to us to reassure us using the voices of those we love so we draw near? Who are we to define God's voice? I also think that Lucifer would use voices to entice us to sin. I think that hearing voices might not be a bad thing, if we consider what they say prayerfully. I would be reluctant not to consider this.<br />After all, I keep coming back to the joke of the man waiting out a flood. He keeps saying that God will save him. First he sends away someone in a rowboat, followed by a power boat and lastly a helicopter. When he drowns, he asks God why he didn't save him. God replies that He sent two boats and helicopter, what more was He supposed to do? While this makes me laugh, I wonder if I sometimes am the guy on the roof ignoring messages from God or his provisions for me. Then, I get the mental image of God smacking me on the head and saying, "What were you thinking? Didn't you hear ME?"<br />Maybe today, we should spend some time listening to the still small voice, whether we define it as conscience, God, spirit guides, or insanity. After all, God calls us to be STILL and know He is God. If we never have the quiet, still time, how are able to hear Him when he speaks?<br />So today, I hope you hear voices, and I mean that in a good way!<br /></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-91665972653852665182010-05-10T14:08:00.000-07:002010-05-10T15:13:49.141-07:00Embracing my Inner Helen Reddy<span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My daughter seems surprised that I know all the words to "I am Woman" by Helen Reddy. I just wish I had found that part of my soul that knows how to stand up for our rights earlier. I know everything in our lives happens for a reason. Sometimes it's beyond our control. Sometimes there are consequences to choices. I know that only I can give someone the power to intimidate me.<br />All the trauma involved in Julia & I surviving her arrival was so overwhelming, that at the time it shook my self confidence. I questioned my own abilities as mother because she was so frail after she was born. It didn't help that an in-law was there waiting to underwhelm my confidence. I foolishly assumed she knew whereof she spoke. Had I been informed that she had the same mental illness that afflicted my brother, I might have questioned more, and relied more on my own knowledge. It's like I forgot that I had a respectable intellect and for several years had raised other people's children at their behest. I provided daycare for young children, and they and their parents had faith in my abilities. <br />Why in God's name, did I assume these sister-in-laws knew more than me? I have always been open to learning. My IQ was just 1 point shy of mensa in 1966, when it was tested. Since then, I have tested anywhere from 140's to 170's, a decent average. I was raised by a mother that always made me feel cherished. With her as role model, I should never have doubted myself.<br />My in-laws are gifted at tearing down self-esteem. After all, they managed to convince Ralph he was DISABLED, and made excuses for his behaviors instead of holding him accountable for his actions. Repercussions for their ill-advised raising are being felt to this day. One of his distant relatives said he had grown up more since we were married than he had his first 29 years. We had only been married a few years then. Don't think I am unaware of Ralph's developmental limitations, but he is capable of so much more than his environment fostered.<br />I wonder how much more he would have gained if he had had Ken's counsel a few more years. He had such patience with Ralph. Ken was my daddy, where Paul Hile was my FATHER, very different personalities and approaches to parenting. I was so lucky growing up with two dads. I wish I had appreciated it more when they were still here.<br />Juli and I are still recovering from the pain inflicted by Ralph's family. By the time Juli came along as the last Carter grandchild, his mother probably thought we wouldn't be capable of parenting. She acted as if she were trying to correct Juli in our place, to the point where it damaged Juli's ability to be close like she was with my mother. Juli still loves and respects her Grandmother Carter, but too many wedges have been driven between them by the family. His sisters blame me because Juli has sought pro's against them. Her own words, "Mom, I could always tell they didn't like or respect you. "<br />It didn't help that when I was struggling with caring for Momma, and trying to manage two households, their idea of help was to call in welfare and to remind Juli that if she didn't put away her toys, welfare would take her away. One of them told her not to cry when she was six and my mother, the light of her life, died, or else mommy might go nutso (or equivalent thereof). Juli was so afraid, she didn't cry for a year.<br />I take comfort that they will have to answer for their actions someday, as will we all when we stand before the Lord. I know I am far from innocent. I have apologized to Juli for not being stronger. I still fight feelings of intimidation. I haven't forgotten Mike holding a knife at my throat during one of his psychotic breaks. I also haven't forgotten that Ralph is the only one of his Carter siblings that DOESN'T have a firearm of some type in the house. We sold or gave away all of them. We acknowledge our problems and feel wiser not owning guns. I find it questionable that someone who is schizophrenic can not only own a gun, but bluster about it to intimidate me.<br />I know Julia is an adult now at 18. But I still try to live by example to her. I was so worried about not marrying a violent man like my dad, I never considered checking out my husband's family and their mental status. It was difficult growing up with Dad & Mike being schizophrenic. Perhaps I should have known that at least two out of three sister-in-laws were schizophrenic? I love Ralph now, as much as when I married him, but in spite of his human failings, not because of what he does or doesn't do. He has struggled against his development in learning to be a good husband and father. It would have helped had he not been raised as the center of his universe and been taught accountability. He doesn't realize that they did this because they did not believe in him and all that he could be capable of. I realize those were different times. I still think they are accountable for his training.<br /><br />"I am woman, hear me roar, in numbers too big to ignore, I know too much to go back and pretend. Because </span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I've heard it all before</span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> and I've been down there on the floor, NO ONE'S EVER GONNA' KEEP ME DOWN AGAIN!<br />Oh, yes, I am wise, but it's wisdom born of pain. Oh, yes, I've paid the price, but look how much I've gained. If I have to, I can do anything. I AM STRONG. I AM INVINCIBLE, I AM WOMAN....<br />You can bend but never break me, 'cause it only serves to make me, more determined to achieve my final goal, I'll come back even stronger, not a novice any longer, 'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul. </span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Oh, yes, I am wise, but it's wisdom born of pain. Oh, yes, I've paid the price, but look how much I've gained. If I have to, I can do anything. I AM STRONG. I AM INVINCIBLE, I AM WOMAN....</span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"<br /><br />There is another verse, but you get the point. I am embracing my inner Helen Reddy!<br /></span></span></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-58250604631028569212010-04-18T13:43:00.000-07:002010-04-18T14:30:43.836-07:00"Sunshine Go Away Today"<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Yes, I know it's a sixties protest song(actually 1971), but it fits today. The song by Jonathon Edwards can be viewed at youtube.com. I'll post the link and lyrics at the end.<br />I feel the need to protest my in-laws. Not all of them, just the two who think they rule the world, or at least us. I mean the roller coaster from the dark side they've had us on lately is inhuman. First, we were invited to Grandma's shindig, then we were told not to come, then we were, then the grand Command performance where we were ordered to Grandma's apartment and told we could come, wish her a Happy Birthday, eat exactly one plate of food, excuse ourselves and leave. That was bad enough. But today showed that they have not a shred of human kindness or MANNERS!<br />Larry Lee offered to give us a ride to the party, but with Juli due to have surgery Friday, we seriously gave thought to only having Ralph go. After agonizing over it, we decided to attend, but keep our presence limited in focus. We tried in every way not to bring unwelcome attention to our presence. Turns out, we weren't the problem. While we were eating our ONE plate of food each, the senior surviving sister, bent over to speak to Ralph, just to tell him to relay a message to Julia, that she was not to take pictures, ESPECIALLY of the kids! Juli is NOT a pedophile, or a STALKER! She merely wanted photos to remember her ONLY living Grandma by, especially since she's 90 and won't be around forever! To be singled out and treated like this was bad enough.<br />Juli has Hidradenitis Suppurativa, is having her third surgery for this on this coming Friday, and was just sitting quietly unobtrusively as possible. This psycho ostracized her after telling us not to cause anything! Juli will be lucky to live a full life. The longer of average recorded histories is 40-50 years, with many HS sufferers perishing younger due to vulnerability to several cancers. That is best case scenario for a disease that usually doesn't start till after puberty in late teens. Juli has suffered from this since age 8, an extraordinarily young age. She has reached stage 3 of 4 well before she turned 18 last fall. Not a promising start. (look for a link to this as well)<br />I just lost my only, my older brother on Good Friday. It has hit us financially as well, since I am the only survivor of our nuclear family. I have younger step-siblings, siblings-in-love, I call them. They have truly shown me what family should be, disfunctional though it may be. They are there when the chips are down.<br />I am at a loss on how to deal with this family. Juli plans to change her last name. Not just because she is a writer, but legally because the last name Carter has only meant pain to her, all her life long. I can't say as I blame her. When people choose pettiness, hatred and being venomous over love, some times you just have to walk away to survive. I lost my Mike for the better part of 35 years due to drugs. I think I prefer that to being sober and being treated with hatred, unadulterated, and childish tantrums.<br />So, Carter family, while we would never keep Ralph from you (God knows why, but he still loves you all??!), stick a fork in me, I am SO DONE.<br />You will never hurt my baby again, God as my witness! If anyone wants to GROW UP, and get past this, you will be welcome in our hearts and home.<br />Oh, and as for Julia's other aunt...the restraining orders wouldn't have been necessary if you had respected our boundaries as a family and allowed us to parent Julia. You had no right to inspect her school records and the idiots that allowed you unlimited access I hope are unemployed. You violated laws and privacy to go places you had no right. I offered to apply for the TRO, but Juli said that she was an adult, and it was her decision that you had no business throwing a tantrum at her doctor's office that upset her doctor so, that it was notated in her permanent medical record. She ended up switching doctors because she was so embarrassed and angered by this violation.<br />I have set the record straight. I hope that someday I can look at you without seeing my daughter's tear-streaked face, but I doubt it. I am a Mother after all. I am her mother, and you need to back off. If I had had the courage to tell you this 18 years ago, maybe Julia would be stronger. Still she is much more loving than you have ever been or ever will be. I am so proud of her.<br />So, as the song says, "you can't even run your own life, I'll be d@mned if you'll run mine!"<br /><br />Lyrics: Sunshine Go Away<br /></span></span></span></span>Sunshine go away today<br />I don't feel much like dancing<br />Some man's gone, he's tried to run my life<br />Don't know what he's asking<br /><br />He tells me I'd better get in line<br />Can't hear what he's saying<br />When I grow up I'm going to make it mine<br />But these aren't dues I been paying<br /><br />(Chorus)<br />How much does it cost, I'll buy it<br />The time is all we've lost, I'll try it<br />But he can't even run his own life<br />I'll be damned if he'll run mine, Sunshine<br /><br />Sunshine go away today<br />I don't feel much like dancing<br />Some man's gone he's tried to run my life<br />Don't know what he's asking<br /><br />Working starts to make me wonder where<br />The fruits of what I do are going<br />He says in love and war all is fair<br />But he's got cards he ain't showing<br /><br />(Chorus)<br /><br />Sunshine come on back another day<br />I promise you I'll be singing<br />This old world, she's gonna turn around<br />Brand new bells'll be ringing<br /><br />Links: Sunshine Go Away: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4Vu-P9qVoc<br />Hidradenitis Suppurativa: http://www.hs-support.uni.cc/hidradenitis-suppurativa-faq/<br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-72575450489650775112010-01-26T17:18:00.001-08:002010-01-26T17:18:21.883-08:00formspring.meAsk me anything <a href="http://formspring.me/jaekakes" target="_blank">http://formspring.me/jaekakes</a>Whiskeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08182182010535071939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-25041378914547989252010-01-21T19:57:00.000-08:002010-01-21T20:17:38.079-08:00They're All Just Songs About MeAnyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I am a music addict. I'm sure there are people who listen to a wider variety of music than me, but pretty much from the time I get up til I crash, I have music on. Music is a placeholder, a book mark of a moment in time.<br /><br />I have very few memories left of my Grandma Streby, as she passed when I was six. It's been almost twelve years, the memories are yellowed and faded. However, a few memories are as clear as day. One of those memories is Grandma's choice in music. Patsy Cline. Everything in Grandma's life could be summed up in a Patsy song. I remember early on listening to old school country with Grandma, Patsy's 'Walking After Midnight'. This is one of the most played songs in my iTunes because it was Grandma's song.<br /><br />Afternoons, when I was in elementary school, were spent with Aunt Carla. We'd run errands, do homework, crafts, cook, and listen to Garth Brooks. I will always associate Garth Brooks with Aunt Carla. Always. Garth Brooks and 'Austin' by Blake Shelton. The songs that played on the radio when we rode around in that old F-150.<br /><br />My Daddy and I have always had a really rocky relationship. There was always lots of fighting and things said and done that I'd rather forget. I do remember every time we fought when I was in middle school ended with me sobbing and singing along with Billy Currington's 'Walk A Little Straighter'.<br /><br />Sugarland's 'Want To' will always take me back to 7th and 8th grade and my long lasting, horrifically mortifying crush on James Fehring. 'Hot Blooded' will always take me back to bad days freshman year, linking arms with Emily and skipping through the hallways as we belted out the eighties anthem at the top of our lungs. 'Me and Charlie Walkin' will always, always, always make me think of David.<br /><br />The summer after I got my license, Tyler and I went to go see Maid Of Honor at the Rave. We were coming home at like eleven at night. The windows were down, Tyler's feet were out the window as my hand pounded on the steering wheel and we blasted AAR's "Move Along" at an ear splitting decibel.<br /><br />Or starting Driver's Ed the same week Kenny Chesney's "Never Wanted Nothing More" premiered on the radio. Nights spent dancing to 'Stronger' by Britney Spears with Mallorie as our Mommas laughed. Driving to therapy and 'Bleed It Out' by Linkin Park drowning out the world.<br /><br />One more memory and then I'm done. My angel girl, my cousin, Maryah and 'Everywhere' by Tim McGraw. I rewrote the lyrics to fit us and I'd walk around, holding her and singing it softly (and horribly offkey) til she fell asleep.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">They're all just songs about me, </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And who I am....</span><br />-Trace Adkins<br /><br />That's why I am a music addict,<br />-JuliaWhiskeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08182182010535071939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-19706733298059277732010-01-21T16:41:00.000-08:002010-01-21T17:36:04.953-08:00Songs for an Epiphany<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">We all have them, those songs that make us think of our defining moments. Some of those songs may have even inspired us or spurred us on. I was driving home today listening to the radio, when Miley Cyrus' crossover hit, "The Climb", began to play, and ended just as I pulled into the driveway.<br />Some songs are related to our youth. I remember "Mairzy Doats" as my momma sang it to me when I was a little girl. I also adored a 45 rpm record I had of "the Smokey The Bear song". There were children's shows on Sunday morning. One involved a double decker bus that led to an underground clubhouse set somewhere in England, I am sure. I remember one of the older girls, sat in a rocking chair singing to a smaller child a song about "Granny's Rocking Chair" and how you could travel anywhere in said chair.<br />I remember dark cold mornings waiting for the school bus and the long ride, listening to the bus' radio. We were lucky to be among the first on, and able to choose seats beneath the speakers. I loved the songs of my teens, and sang lustily to "Little Willie" and "Bohemian Rhapsody".<br />I remember sad songs, such as "Sad Songs", or "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast". I daydreamed to "Love me, Love me, Love" and "Music Box Dancer" and "Heaven on the 7th Floor".<br />Then, there were the songs we fell in love to. For Ralph & I, it was Donny Osmond's "Sacred Emotion". Corny, yes I know. I also got stirred up a lot listening to the reggae version of "This Magic Moment" that was used in the movie "Cocktail".<br />I have to devote a separate paragraph to the Beatles. Their music was so much a part of my life's memories and defining moments. I remember listening to them on Spring Break trips to Kentucky riding in the pickup camper with my older brother. I loved "Hey Jude" and "Paperback Writer". The collected works of the Beatles are so numerous that there is virtually at least one Beatles song defining moment in most of baby boomers lives. I would like to know your Beatles moment & song.<br />I know for many, Michael Jackson offers similar associations as the Beatles as defining their memories. For others, it may be country or Christian music. For example, my daughter's early years were spent loving Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many Colors" and she adored Mary Kate & Ashley's kids songs and Kid Songs' kid songs.<br />I know everyone has a story and every story has background music. I have songs that play in my head for every memory I revisit. I even have songs that evoke thought of certain people. For my late friend, Anita, the song "Stronger" by Britney Spears makes memories rush back.<br />I am certain that "The Climb" will define a moment for somebody. There is a place for comments, please, leave a comment with your defining moment & the song intrinsic to it.<br /></span></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-69191395778331952682010-01-20T16:17:00.000-08:002010-01-20T16:18:16.010-08:00"I'm Just In A Mood" - by Julia Carter<p>“I’m just in a mood…” is probably the most overused phrase in my life. I have Bipolar Disorder and it basically puts my moods all over the map. Sometimes I’m hyper and crazy and say or do things that scare the living shit out of people. Other times I’m depressed and hardly say two sentences all day (which also scares the shit out of people). Sometimes I’m normal - and that’s alright.</p> <p>I’m just so SICK of justifying how I feel. I’m depressed. I didn’t chose to be depressed. I’m sorry I am and I wish I didn’t have to be. I can’t chose to stop it and I didn’t chose to start it. I’m manic. I didn’t ask for my brain to speed up and I can’t get it to slow down. You’re just gonna have to deal with it til the storm ends. If not, there’s the door. You can walk out of my life just like everyone else has.</p> <p>If I’m quiet or mad or hyper. Just hang on, it’ll pass. I promise. It comes in spurts and sometimes the moods last for awhile, but I’m still me. I’m out of my mind for a moment, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.</p> <p>I didn’t ask to have Bipolar Disorder, so please don’t judge me for it.</p>Whiskeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08182182010535071939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-7135033525922445622010-01-10T14:15:00.000-08:002010-01-11T20:16:00.441-08:00The Gift of Bipolar...<div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>I get a more than a little irritated at the way television and other media portray bipolar disorder, aka manic depression. I know that medication makes a huge difference, but I think that there is a part of this condition that is not a curse but a gift. </em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>I have been afflicted by this gift most of my adult life, but never thought of it as a condition until it was diagnosed as such. I had been through the depressive phases as a teen and just thought it was typical teen angst. I was told during my freshman year of college, that I needed to suck it up and my momma needed to "take me off the tit". Nice language from the assistant dean, with a degree in psychology, huh? I was always accused of being moody. I just thought I was a 'night owl' and never realized it was hypomania. In fact, I never thought there was anything wrong with me. I always thought my racing thoughts as being gifted, part of what gave me the ability to read over 1k words per minute with 100% comprehension. I just figured it was sort of like my mildly eidetic memory (not perfect, polluted by tons of ridiculous minutiae). Who knew?</em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>I firmly aver that were I not diagnosed, I would be merrily tripping through life in blessed ignorance. I remember a time when my Avon district manager (the 1st during the ten years I sold) said she had to replay my messages several times to catch everything I said. She theorized I talked so fast, because I was trying to keep up with my mind which was going 90 miles per hour.</em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>The way I see it, what psychology calls bipolar disorder is just a mind that does not know it is supposed to calm down and allow the body to rest. It is like a brain with no OFF switch. This alone would not be problematic, except the human body requires rest to recharge. Without this critical down time, the body weakens, tires, and the mind begins to experience errors in judgment. Exhaustion seems to be what triggers the depressive phases. The perfect metaphor is a dog 'worrying' a bone. He gnaws and gnaws at it, unable to leave it alone. Most of my depressive states occurred when I had some sort of sad experience or fnancial worry. When I would try to go to sleep, my mind would seize this worry or sadness and become so consumed with it till it overwhelmed all my waking and sleeping moments. Kind of like a record being stuck on an endless loop repeating the same phrase over and over. It was probably some one with bipolar disorder that came up with brainwashing and torture techniques by emulating what their own mind did to them. </em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>After the crash and resulting downtime, comes the building euphoria, known as mania or hypomania, depending on extent of behavior. For me, it would be feeling too wide awake to sleep when I was younger, and 4 am shopping trips to wal-mart in more recent days. Being a little manic is such an exuberant state. It can be such a rush. </em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>It is completely understandable why bipolars go off meds. It is difficult to find the med that best offers you the balance to have down time to rest without being depressed and the energy to enjoy life without being practically catatonic. My 1st year medicated, I basically lost that year. I was almost catatonic, to the point that I didn't care about anything or anyone. At least it seemed that way. My doctor tried steadily decreasing doses of the most popular med at that time, but even at half the lowest dose, I was still basically nonfunctional. I cringe every time I see this med being advertised on tv. My system was way too sensitive for classic meds. I ended up with a mild antidepressant that has the benefit of being thought to help my diabetic neuropathy. I am probably slightly manic much of the time, but I never was extremely manic. I can enjoy life on an intellectual basis at least. My diabetes still tends to be a drag physically. </em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>I title this blog the gift of bipoolar because of a book I read early in my marriage because of Ralph having two types of dyslexia. It focused on what you CAN do, not what you can't. I feel this way about being bipolar. </em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>I embrace the life I have, because, all I am, who am, is because of all I experience. This wisdom was courtesy of Star Trek, we are the sum total of our experiences. Change one experience, one obstacle, and you change your entire person.</em></font></div>
<br /><div align="left"><font color="#330099" size="4" face="georgia"><em>I am at peace with who I am, and I choose to be me!</em></font></div>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-64614471317109260542010-01-10T11:15:00.000-08:002010-01-10T13:44:01.705-08:00My Heart Will Go On...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLb-lFahQ6FVYpNXF4oZhwGC_oeFMItkRZXMhQxKF_ji6Qyy84Mu8STd2xa2_guNUUTTBjPzGppmr_qwmdM4MDbX3PmKs6uAZPCET7RUjokGxrV8Z3bRbzgA46IBWHXHb1_XYclOjyf3U/s1600-h/ingodshands.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 160px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 106px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5425226367326831714" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLb-lFahQ6FVYpNXF4oZhwGC_oeFMItkRZXMhQxKF_ji6Qyy84Mu8STd2xa2_guNUUTTBjPzGppmr_qwmdM4MDbX3PmKs6uAZPCET7RUjokGxrV8Z3bRbzgA46IBWHXHb1_XYclOjyf3U/s320/ingodshands.jpg" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>(This post is dedicated to Aiden Anthony Rossi, who left this world far to early, and his mom & dad, Kasey & Brandon, our hearts go out to you...)</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>An Open Letter to Kasey & Brandon (& anyone who has ever lost a child born too soon)</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>I titled this post, "My Heart will go on..", yes, the song from Titanic. I am including the lyrics at the end of this post. When you read them, this will make sense. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>Kasey, you were born on or around Father's Day. It stands out vividly in my mind because when Ralph & I went out on our second date, we took your aunt Carla over to visit you. You were beautiful right from the beginning of your life and still are. That was the day Uncle Ralph asked me to marry him (he didn't waste time). We were in love and in a hurry to get our lives together started. I got pregnant early on. Somewhere along the line, something went wrong. I figured to be close to 20 weeks when we finally saw the doctor. The test said I was definitely pregnant, but the doctor couldn't hear the heartbeat so he sent us for an ultrasound. The placenta had remained, but the fetus was no longer there. We lost the pregnancy without even being aware it was happening. I had to have a d & c, but we had no baby to say goodbye to. Well meaning relatives offered all the usual words that were supposed to comfort us. Each word felt like a knife through the heart. All I knew, was that the baby I had felt moving and had fallen in love with was gone. I grieved, and felt broken to my soul. I didn't want comfort, I wanted my baby back.</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>People offered tons of advice, even suggesting we maybe shouldn't have kids. (could you even dream of a world without Julia?!?!) It was a really painful time because it seemed like everyone else in the world was having babies. There was a baby boom where Uncle Ralph & I worked. I remember finding out a coworker & friend was having a baby and she was single. She wasn't even sure the father wanted to be involved. It just seemed so unfair. I was so certain I would never get over the loss. I would start to function and when I least expected it, the grief would hit me again. After only a couple of months trying, I was pregnant again, but I was so afraid. I remember sitting and looking at the test and crying and being so afraid it wouldn't last. I had so many problems carrying Julia because of my obesity and the complications of that pregnancy. I had placenta previa where the placenta attaches at or over the cervix. I nearly lost her and was put on bedrest in hopes as the placenta grew, it would grow upwards. It did, but then I was hit with gestational diabetes, and toxemia/preeclampsia. She was premature, either 4, 6, or 8 weeks depending on which doctor you asked. You obviously know she survived. Still, I remember looking at her after she was born, wondering if I was dreaming or she was really mine and here, even though she was the only girl born that week. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>Her arrival, made the loss that went before bittersweet. As much as we wanted that baby, had it survived, we wouldn't have had her. I will always miss that little baby that I always thought of as a boy (Ralph & I would have named it after him). I don't know why we had to go through the pain of that loss, and I won't this side of Heaven. I just trust that God had a reason. It still hurts after all these years. I won't lie and say it doesn't. My heart has gone on, it had to for Juli's sake and my own. There are times through the years the subject of the baby that would have been comes up. I think of him as an angel that watches over Juli. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>No one can tell you how you will get through the pain, but you will. Your mom is a survivor and she raised all of you to be survivors too. She can be a great comfort to you having been through the same thing. I know my mom helped me survive, because she knew, she had been there. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>My heart goes out to you and Brandon. I have walked this path too. Each of us walks the path through grief in our own way. Don't let anyone diminish your grief </em></span></div><div><em><span style="color:#000099;">in any way. Ignore anyone, even if they mean well, that start a phrase with, it was probably for the best, or it wasn't meant to be. No matter how short a life is, it always matters. </span></em><em><span style="color:#000099;"><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">Aiden may have been here too briefly, but he was beautiful and had meaning and purpose. God took this precious angel home too early by our wishes. I pray His comfort over you. When we are curled up in our deepest grief, we are that little child resting in God's hand as He carries us through our grief to what lies ahead. May you find peace. Know that God loves Aiden so much, and He's holding him for you, until the time we all are together in Heaven. </span></span></em><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;color:#000099;"><em>I promised the lyrics to you:</em></span><br /><br />(if the link doesn't show up when I publish, they are on videos on youtube, the video I used was 'myheart will go on lyrics posted by dalekGASP, beautiful, I tried 3 times to embed)</div>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-79941844226861287482009-12-30T16:55:00.000-08:002009-12-30T18:55:28.478-08:00Make Lemonade (or get OFF me!)<em><span style="color:#000099;">I am sorry for whatever tragedy or disappointment has befallen you and or your family. I probably didn't know about your crisis when it happened. Heaven knows, I am left out of the loop unless I read about whatever happened online. So, if I did anything offensive, it was not intended. Life sucks, I am very aware. Now - GET OFF ME!</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">I have had my share of tragedies, and I have been there and felt your pain. The last thing I would ever do is purposely add the "F" to it! I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks and if I wasn't devastated enough by that, my in-laws gave me SH!T about how the fetus was probably severely disabled and how we wouldn't have wanted that. At 20 weeks, I was already in love with that baby and I grieved sorely. It hurt my husband even more, because he has developmental disabilities and was one of those babies we "wouldn't" have wanted. Talk about insensitive. Even more, the one telling us how hard it would be was mother to an autistic son, one of those babies, should I have asked her if he shouldn't have been born. Darren was precious gift. I will never forget him putting on his hat & shades and doing his best imitation of Elton John singing "Daniel" and pretending to play piano. Oh, Darren, you were like "Daniel" in that "your eyes see more than mine". I am so grateful to have known him. He was one of the few in-laws that accepted me unequivocally.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">When Ralph and I married, I had undergone an evaluation at the local sheltered workshop because of physical disability, binaural hearing loss. His family ASSUMED since he knew me from there, that I was similarly disabled and they would end up taking care of me also. They never gave Ralph any credit for being a man, and being capable of being a husband and father. I am not saying our lives together were without challenges. Lord knows, there have been lots of roadblocks and oceans of tears. But there was even more sweetness and love and we had beautiful Juli. She came in the wake of the tragedy of that miscarriage.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">She was hard fought for and won at a GREAT price. I had obstacle after obstacle to not only her survival, but mine as well. First was bleeding and fear of miscarriage at 10 weeks. That was first of five ultrasounds. I was put on bedrest at ten weeks because of placenta previa, which was not commonly known then, in hopes the placenta would grow up and away from th cervix as the baby grows. Well, on the heels of that came gestational diabetes, followed closely by preeclampsia. I was hospitalized at what by original calculations was just over 33 weeks, shortly after my first anniversary. Our baby shower was on that day, and on the way home, we came up on a devastating looking accident that was my stepsister's car in which she and my mother were heading home. Juli was born, according to ob/gyn/surgeon four weeks early, six weeks by my gp's calculations, and 8 weeks according to the neonatologist. She was taken c-section after the 3 tests done by amnio showed 1. her lungs WERE ready, 2. they were NOT ready, or 3 unsure. She was on oxygen first day of her life, and umbilical iv for five days, and uv lights for bilirubin for two more days. During this time my c-section staples were removed, my dad died, I went to the calling, spiked a fever and woke to a seeping open wound that my mother said looked like raw hamburger. Only a thin area of muscle had started healing enough that it kept me from being eviscerated. I was readmitted on day six of Juli's life, she went home on day seven and I finally got to join her on day eight. And I found out afterward, she suffered having her little heels stabbed every two hours to draw blood to check her glucose, calcium and bilirubin levels that whole first week of her life. I was also devastated that my most evil sister-in-law that was a former employee of the hospital was allowed to hold my daughter not only before my husband did, but before I even knew for sure she had survived. My family, out of respect for me, waited until after I had seen her and held her. </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">We had originally wanted three children. Upon finding out that the c-section separating would likely recur, and there was a strong possibility of mortality, we decided to be grateful for our Juli and not try for more children. So between the miscarriage and all the complications involved in Juli & I surviving her arrival, we chose to cherish the precious gift we got in her with no regrets. Apparently my reproductive capabilities were a lemon, so I made lemonade, and poured all my efforts into raising my beautiful daughter and letting her know how special she was. She said when she was only 8 that God had special plans for her.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Her life so far has been frought with obstacles. She had Respiratory Syncictial Virus (RSV) at three months, and by age one and a half was on meds for asthma. By age three, she had urinary blockage and endured scary, painful tests to resolve that. At eight, she began having juvenile migraines and we first encountered cysts that would turn out to be Hidradenitis Supprativa Acne Inversa, a very painful, little known condition with no cure. </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">My in-laws, when my life was in turmoil from losing a second daddy, my stepfather of 17 years, decided that when my housekeeping was out of control, to turn me in to welfare because cobwebs and clutter could be hazardous to Juli's health. The stress from fear of being taken away from her daddy and me, caused way more problems with her asthma than dust and cobwebs ever could. They did this at the time I was most overwhelmed, because not only had we lost daddy, momma was rapidly deteriorating healthwise. I had also begun living with type two diabetes at that time. The aunts that called welfare, took great delight in telling Juli that if she didn't pick up her toys, they would take her away. Nice aunts, huh?</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Then when Momma went through congestive heart failure, we got a rare and precious gift of an extra year and a half to love her. She lost her left leg above the knee five months later, but we managed to bring her home again. During all of this, not only were we dealing with this, but my brother was in and out of jail for various drug related charges and his wife left him. He ended up staying with momma until his schizophrenia got the best of him and he tried to choke her and she nearly bled out from an ulcer that developed from his treatment of her. I was trying to keep her house and my own complying with welfare, handling her, Juli's, Ralph's, Michael's and my own health problems. My in-laws answer was not to offer any real help, they called welfare yet again. </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">May of 1998, the 6th to be exact, Momma left us. She and I had been best friends, much like Juli and I are now and I know people worried how I would cope with her loss. My wonderful sister-in-law's solution, tell six year old Juli, that just lost her beloved Grandma"Creepy" (she couldn't pronounce Streby), not to cry because Mommy might go crazy and she'd lose her too! "Isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spit down your neck fantastic?" (friends quote) Juli didn't cry for a whole year! My poor baby, to be told she had to be responsible for her mother's mental health?!</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Few years later, we were finally doing fairly decent and decided to try for the first time homebuyer's program offered through the USDA. We were less than ninety days from closing when the factory where Ralph worked decided to ship their operations overseas and we had to pull out of the contract. For over a year, Ralph worked with a job placement coach trying to get another job. We had applied to ss disability for him because all his jobs had been supported employment with special accomodations to allow him to work. He was not considered to be substantially working, because he needed support to perform the jobs. He was hired for another factory job, and had a job retention coach that went above and beyond, so we applied to Habitat for Humanity. We were much of the way through the build when he again lost his job, this time despite having full support of a job coach. Even though two and a half years had passed since he applied for disability it was finally approved. Once again, we lost the opportunity for a house because our income went below the level for Habitat. I had applied for disability for myself because my ability to work was rapidly diminishing due to complications of diabetes. We were again trying for habitat, when I got the first and second denials, this time taking us out of our third attempt for a house and bringing our income down so low we dropped out of the habitat eligibility completely. </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">During the first habitat attempt, Ralph's health took some alarming downturns, including my in-laws "kidnapping" him and traumatizing our whole family. He had to go on insulin and thy decided that when during an argument I swatted him on the top of the head for pulling a bonehead stunt, that I was being abusive and wouldn't let us talk to him until I scheduled a psych eval for myself. Juli cried herself to sleep as did I. We got through all that. I was diagnosed as having bipolar II disorder and went on meds that basically made me catatonic because they were too strong.<br />While I was so out of it, my oh-so-sweet sister-in-law decided to once again throw us to the wolves and called welfare. Such love! I finally got my meds adjusted to where I was functional and I struggled on. I was now using a cane, early in the morning and late in the day, since my nerves no longer told my leg muscles consistently when I was standing. I would stand up and keep on going forward toward falling on my face. Or I would drop back. I had developed retinopathy in my eyes (leaking blood vessels and new vessel growth that can swelll retina and blur vision). I could no longer see clearly. I had been hard of hearing since age four due to nerve damage from fevers of 106 degrees. I grew up learning visually by necessity. I learned basic lipreading by osmosis. Hearing aids can help, but are limited. Losing my visual cues, caused me to isolate myself more from the world. Thankfully, the retinopathy is in remission at this time, and God willing, if I can get rigid control of the diabetes, may not recur. My neuropathies affect not only my legs, but my hands and arms all the way to the shoulder on my right (dominant) arm. The focal neuropathy causes so much pain in my hips, that I have to change positions frequently to alleviate it some. The autonomic neuropathy has caused acid reflux (gastroesophogeal reflux disease), irritable bowel/chronic constipation, and urinary incontinence. Meds help with these things, but only so much. I have no regular pain management. I ended up not being able to take typical bipolar meds, because I basically shut down on them, and instead use an anti depressant that has been found to help with neuropathic pain. I couldn't take the regulare neuropathy meds because they adversely affected my vision. I had to stop taking the only effective antidiabetic oral med because it caused my body to mimic congestive heart failure. Still I forge on.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Juli ended up bearing the brunt of responsibility for our household when I was so foggy from the bipolar meds and that breaks my heart every time I think about it. When I finally got under control, she was mentally exhausted and she was initially diagnosed as depressed. They tried her on a med, and it gave her suicidal feelings. On further evaluation, she was diagnosed as (just like her mommy) bipolar II disorder.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Ralph is fairly stable right now, just needs to get his a1c down, thank God. He is pretty much handling the household. </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Juli had her second surgery for her HS and got MRSA afterwards. She had missed so much school that she had to retake junior year of high school, and is switching schools again.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">I know that she too will emerge on the other side of all this as stronger, because she is after all, Martha Jessamine's granddaughter, and she too, will show 'em all!</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">OKAY- so life can suck, your heart can break, but like the song from Titanic, "My heart will go on". I grieve with you over your losses. If I said or did something that offended you, I am sorry and certainly didn't intend to. I've said that I am sorry. </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">I AM DONE! I know you hurt, but I will not EVER go back to being a victim for anyone! My mother stayed for 23 years with my father beating her on a daily basis, and even when the sheriff brought him back the shotgun he threatened her with after she snuck it out and took it to the sheriff's office, still she stayed. She woke up one day to me standing over her telling her I didn't know if she was dead or alive. She decided that day to stop being a victim. Today is my independence day. I am not responsible for your pain. I don't deserve to feel like I am. I owe no apology for a sin I did not commit. No more.</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">(You know who you are and I love you unequivocally. If you choose to cut off contact with me, so be it. I will miss you. We haven't spent much time together, sometimes families just don't get close. I am however not the cause of your grief. I hope when things settle, you will realize this, but if you don't, I won't come begging. I just ask that you not hurt my child. )</span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Life gives us LEMON situations and we have to really struggle to find our LEMONADE solutions. I, for one, am going to keep finding good in the LEMONs (they are good in Iced </span></em><br /><em><span style="color:#000099;">Tea). This is me, moving forward. Good night!</span></em>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-22721270074370603792009-12-25T17:42:00.000-08:002009-12-25T20:24:50.052-08:00Worst Christmas Ideas Ever...Reindeer gems - definition: sterilized droppings that are coated for decorative use as ornaments, and now as jewelry.<br />Just what you always wanted, decorative feces to hang around your neck or on your tree! What's next? Maybe rabbit pellet bead necklaces and earrings? Feces, the gift that keeps on giving.<br />Several places over the past month have discussed worst gift ever ideas. I know that the morning show, Live with Regis & Kelly, had people sending in their worst Christmas gift ever memories.<br />I thought that coal was mean until I heard a woman relate how her boyfriend's mother gave her a package of ground beef and it was supposed to be a big deal!<br />Silly me, I thought getting sick was a bad gift for any occasion. My daughter got some very unwelcome birthday gifts. I related that getting exposed to chicken pox at one birthday, and head lice at another were pretty bad gifts. I guess I underestimated human nature and man's ability to torture each other.<br />So - people - what's the most humiliating or unwelcome/unwanted gift you've ever gotten? Tweet me, or update me on facebook. Help us all come down off our tryptophan highs from the turky and the sheer exuberance of the Christmas holiday. That way, when people have to go back to work, it won't be such a shock! Ho, ho, holy crud, what a downer!TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-68317666318973842412009-12-24T23:51:00.000-08:002009-12-25T00:03:11.428-08:00One YearIt's 2:52 AM and I'm sat here in this worn down leather chair, steaming mug of coffee on the stand beside me, freezing rain pouring down outside, and 'Stronger' up as loud as it will go. I'm sat here thinking of you, Anita. Thinking of how much I miss you, how proud you'd be of your babies, and how much you loved it when Mallorie and I would dance to this song.<br />I miss you more than words could ever say, Anita. You changed my entire life and I am forever in gratitude to you. I can still hear your voice in my head and the way you'd call me 'Lil Gu'url'. Nobody else gets to call me that, not even my Mama. It's a rule.<br />Thanks for giving my mom a best friend, Anita. I know she really misses you - more than I do and that's a lot. She had Aunt Carla and her one friend that died when she was little, but I think you were her first real best friend. What was it you guys called each other? Sister-Friend. That's it. You guys were sister-friends. Kindred spirits. Thanks for giving my Mommy that.<br />I know Mallorie, Matt, & Mandy miss you. They're so amazing, you raised three beautiful and wonderful children, Anita. Mal will be nineteen Saturday and I wish more than anything that I could be up there to give her a hug and dance with her to stronger. Just like we used to do in the living room while you and mom laughed so hard tears came. I know you're looking over those babies of yours and you're smiling big.<br />It's Christmas day and I can't help but think of you. Not because it's the one year anniversary of your passing, but because you seemed like Christmas personafied to me. You were always so full of joy and there was always a smile on your face - even when things were going wrong.<br />Today, I'm gonna smile. I'm gonna tell your baby girl that I love her and that we'll always be best friends. Cause we're our momma's all over again - Sister Friends.<br /><br />Love you lots, Anita.<br />Love,<br />JulesWhiskeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08182182010535071939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-39519944079033505832009-12-22T18:00:00.000-08:002009-12-22T18:22:22.532-08:00Canada is the new Nigeria ... OR... the grinch<em><span style="color:#006600;">that stole our Christmas. Apparently the newest crop of scammers are Canadian nationals and their scam is just as evil as the Nigerian con artists'. I received what would appear to be a very exciting letter in the mail last week. It purported to be a letter from a sweepstakes agent for a Viacom intl. sweepstakes, one of many I entered pursuing the American Dream. Of course, being cynical after all these years of Nigerians wanting me to claim mysterious inheritances and Asians wanting me to be their US liaison, I checked it out. Usually, in my vast experience, if it appears too good to be true, it usually is. I first checked to see if a business by the name of North American Sweepstakes Agency (I know, NASA, right?) really existed in NYC, NY. It wasn't in the BBB database, so I called the local office to talk to a live agent. She researched the phone number I was to contact and told me the area code was for Canada. She said there was so much fraud coming from there, that the RCMP (Mounties) had a task force for attempted economical fraud crossing borders that they had a task force set up. She called the phone hotline phonebusters, but I went to the website mentioned in their phone system because it was expected to be such a long wait. I filled out the complaint form and am holding all the documentation in case they want it as well as a printed copy of the report I filed. I am planning on contacting Viacom Int'l. to let them know an agent of fraud was using their trademark and name. I hope these perpetrators get caught and prosecuted. I was savvy enough not to get snared by them, but they stole something intrinsic from us, our Christmas spirit and sense of wonder at Christmas time. They stole our hope and belief in miracles at Christmas. You can't put a price on hope. Please, if you get an "award" letter, check it out with the better business bureau or your bank or law enforcement agency. Especially if they insist you not share y0ur news with anyone "for your safety". If you are directed to deposit by atm only, RED FLAG! Your bank personnel will happily verify whether or not the check is drawn on a valid account so you won't get ripped off. Also, if the check looks off, be wary. The routing number was in the middle of the check instead of being the first 9 numbers in the bottom left corner as is standard in US banks. Oh, and the zip code on the check was an Arkansas zip code, but the address used the two letter code for Arizona! Real smart con artist, huh? Have a safe holiday, may it be ripoff free!</span></em>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-54895700978759169442009-12-21T21:30:00.000-08:002009-12-21T21:52:08.466-08:00Mutant Lifeforms in MY (Shower) Space!<em><span style="color:#330099;">I definitely did NOT need my glasses to see that THING! I knew I was sharing space with arachnid type beings, the cobwebs were glaring evidence. I did not realize that they were either beings from outer space or mutated by proximity to my natural gas powered water heater! I blogged in the past about my feelings regarding the species. I avowed as how phobia was too singular to describe my emotions about the "s" word. I loathe the creatures beyond all reason. I suggested a new term to represent my feelings: arachnisogynist. I'm not sure if I'm expositing from the term misogynist correctly. Perhaps it should be misarachnithrope. Whatever. I was unaware that common brown house spiders or "Daddy Longlegs" could grow to those proportions. If I understand the typical life cycle, the females mate, devour the male, reproduce via egg sac, tend said sac, and die. I did not believe the species could live through multiple reproductions. My extent of spider research is the book, Charlotte's Web. Well, if that's the case, the behemoth being in my shower was the "Grandmommiest Daddy Longlegs" in existence on this planet. Perhaps I shouldn't be blogging about this in my own home. After all, who's to say that don't communicate telepathically and whether or not they can read human thoughts. Well, that's enough of that. So much for sleeping. Again. Ever!</span></em>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-72974221444200380682009-09-26T16:18:00.000-07:002009-09-26T16:45:12.476-07:00Angels Among Us (inspired by Alabama"s song)<div style="text-align: center;"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Oh i believe there are angels among us.</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Sent down to us from somewhere up above.</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >They come to you and me in our darkest hours.</span><br /><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.</span><br /><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >To guide us with a light of love<br />(from song recorded by) Alabama<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:130%;"> I know for a fact this is true! I also know that some of the angels are just people who live their faith everyday. They are God's presence reflected by acts of charity and faith they do every day. Whether it's helping with money, or lending a hand when family is not or cannot be there. They not only talk the talk but walk the walk of believers. They hold out a hand to the weary, the downtrodden, the lost and the found. They don't discriminate based on color of skin, income level, or even belief or disbelief.<br /> Every time I feel like my God has forsaken me, He sends a fresh shower of love from His people. I don't know the name of this person, and if I did, I would not choose to expose them. They don't help me for who I am OR who they are. They help whenever and wherever they can because they are called to by God. I WILL not belittle their acts of charity by trying to find out who they are. Instead I will thank God, from whom all blessings flow. Had they not experienced the richness and fullness of God's blessings, they would not have the means or desires to help me when I am in need.<br /> I know that when I was able to contribute in the Father's name, I did. It is part of human nature to crave gratitude, but I conquered my own human nature that time. I remember Pastor saying, "God does not let His true believers willingly go hungry". I didn't really comprehend. Much of God's ways are not meant for us to comprehend here in this life. We are merely meant to choose, Life over Death, Faith over disbelief, Grace over Sin. There will come a day when the scales will fall away and all will be revealed. <br /> For today, let me thank my Father God, for the blessing of the means to get my daughter to her doctor's appointment on Tuesday, and food enough for our household to eat. Yes that included our pets. They have been part of our family since before times got hard. They do not deserve to go hungry either. I could no more give any one of them up than I could Ralph or Julia. I saved 50% on the little amount of food I bought Oreo and the kitty girls are settling for A $1 box of food from the dollar store. As for the groceries, I save 54% on the total bill. That included milk, bread, meat, vegetables, all the staples. I didn't need paper products because I had stocked up when I was able to get 12 double roll packs of tp for $3.50 after coupon. <br /> Thank You God, for the angel you have watching over me and my family. Please bless them with the knowledge that their act of charity was gratefully received, prudently managed, and that You got all the glory! AMEN!<br /><br /></span></span></span></span></div></div>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-75517125356340494742009-09-11T11:03:00.000-07:002009-09-11T11:04:08.323-07:00Where Were You When The World Stop Turning?Today is 9/11/09, it's been eight years since that fateful September morning in 2001. There's a song by Alan Jackson, 'Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning?' and I realize that world really did stop turning on 9/11, but the American people gathered an amazing strength and kept on living. I'll never forget that day, so now I'm gonna tell my story, why don't you tell me yours too?<br />I was in 4th Grade at Mary Raber Elementary in my tiny Indiana Town. Nothing bad ever happens here, it's safe. When we got to school at a quarter til 8, everything was still normal. We made our way through the previous nights homework, I think we reviewed some Indiana History. Then Mrs. Reith took us down to Art with Mr. Bailey. He had the TV on and we all were transfixed by it. There was fires in New York, something had struck the Trade Centers. I didn't even know what the Trade Centers were.<br />Mr. Bailey said we could have the TV on as long as we kept doing our work. There was no protest, I don't think any one of us could even remember how to speak. It was the most hauntingly silent I've ever heard a bunch of ten year olds. I sat at one of the lunch style tables and worked on my geometric shape project. It was green, purple, and blue and it looked uncannily like camo.<br />Then I heard a gasp and my head snapped up, the towers were falling. My hand covered my mouth and I watched it unfold before my eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen, this is America, we doing the ass kicking.<br />When we got back to our classroom, the Principal had ordered that all TV's be shut off for the remainder of the day. I'm not sure, but I think we're the only ones who saw it. While a lot of the other teachers tried to keep peace and go on with their daily lessons, I think Mrs. Reith did the best thing she ever could've done for us.<br />We talked about it.<br />We talked about it for Lord knows how long. We sat there and talked for most of the day and then she had us take out our Writer's Journals and we wrote about it; what we were feeling, what we thought was happening... We shared our thoughts and it was the most binding act for a class that had been rather divided.<br />I got home that afternoon and mom snapped the TV off and I informed her I already saw it.<br />9/11 made me become rather patriotic, walking in the Memorial Day Parade became something that I had to do. Getting to carry the American Flag the following year for the parade made my heart swell. I love America.<br />There's a song by Darryl Worley called 'Have You Forgotten?' and I don't think we have. We may try to push it to the back of our minds, but there is no way to forget what happened. But there's a line I love from that song: "People say this country's just out lookin' for a fight, well after 9/11 man, I'd have to say that's right."<br />Toby Keith's Angry American [Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue]: "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way"<br />GOD BLESS AMERICA.<br />To Marcus Mullins & Ron Betts, thanks for protecting our country.<br /><br />Thoughts & Prayers to America.<br />-JuliaWhiskeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08182182010535071939noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-42390875459493989572009-08-20T09:04:00.000-07:002009-08-20T09:41:57.683-07:00If your kid won't eat it...<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">What makes you think mine will?<br />It never ceases to amaze me what people will donate to a food pantry! In hard times like these, a lot of us depend on food pantries to survive. Don't get me wrong, I am EXTREMELY grateful. It makes the difference between one sustaining meal a day and none. But I must confess to receiving food I have never heard of and have no clue how to use them. Some foods are a regional thing. I mean, Ralph lived in Florida for 8 years growing up. He knew about black beans, red beans & rice, and turnip greens. I however thought you ate the turnip and threw the greens away. Silly me!<br />I, to this day, have no idea how to prepare some of these foods and am not sure i am brave enough to try. I have had kale as decorative edible greens raw in a salad. I haven't a clue how to use a can of kale. I can only guess, since it resembles spinach, that it might be good hot with a little vinegar or butter. I am not sure. I am guessing the same solution would apply for turnip greens.<br />I have eaten asparagus, fresh, creamed asparagus, and found it delicious. I have never had it canned. I thought the flavor of the fresh was similar to green beans, but the texture more like that of broccoli stems and pieces (poorman's broccoli, since we can't afford the crowns) I have a can of asparagus spears and a can of tips, both of which are sitting in my cupboard, waiting for me to discover their purpose. <br />I had fresh broccoli from my sister's garden. It was wonderful except for cleaning it. I remember the days of soaking it in salt water and seeking out the little worms that like to hide in the crowns. That sounds so royal, so rich, broccoli crowns. Almost as if we aren't worthy of eating them. We stretched them to three meals Two meals had cooked, buttered broccoli as a side dish, and the stems served as ingredient for a yummy hamburger and veggie soup. <br />I mentioned turnips earlier, which I have never had cooked in my life. The few times we had them, Mom had sliced them raw as a snack for me. I also have always been a big fan of raw potatoes. It made peeling and preparing them more bearable. To me, zucchini was always floured and fried in shortening similar to the method for fried green tomatoes. Juli love those, though the appeal escapes me, other than the book and movie of the same name. <br />When Ralph and I first started dating, he brought venison burger and steaks and cooked out on the grill for my whole family. I had NEVER had any kind of game before. I (gamely! pun intended) tried it. I only ate it a few times more. I stopped when I got violently ill when I was pregnant with Juli after eating deer meat. His family are big aficianados of venison. They hunt it too! To me, it will always be eating "Bambi"! Since then, I avoid anything resembling beef at family get togethers. It's just safer with a family that ENJOYS hunting!<br />When I was growing up, as a daughter of two people whose families survived the depression eating game, we had 'store bought' meat. My parents both preferred meat that wasn't hunted. We rarely had fish, though Dad & MIke both loved to fish (a sport I LOATHE!!). I know logically that by and large, eating fish is supposed to be healthy for you, but the only fish I ever developed a taste for was McD's fish sandwich on rare occasions, and Gropp's Famous Fish of Stroh, a regional chain of restaurants that had an amazing beer battered fish, that I think was cod, but I am not sure.<br />I have in recent times, discovered you can eat Hamburger Helper, without the hamburger. You have to make minor adjustments, but it can be quite good. It will also work with just a few ounces of meat too. We found out that you can stretch a pound of ground beef to four meals, or one time even six, if you have to. Some foods don't work well together, but when you are desparate enough, you will try anything. Such times as these, bring out the inner creative cook in you. For example, we had a casserole recipe that called for corn tortillas. It mada a great macaroni dish too. <br />Anyway, if you aren't the unfortunate ones needing a food pantry, when you donate, remember, if your kid won't eat it what makes you think mine will? (although, she may have been the only two year old to cry for salad at McDonald's)<br /></span></span></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-69054860783034117592009-08-18T18:02:00.000-07:002009-08-18T18:49:16.970-07:00A Taste for Something Sweet...<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">What ever happened to Licorice allsorts? I did a search and found them available online in bulk. There is the classic allsorts that apparently are a British novelty. The closest thing I have found in stores around here are the boxed movie treats, Mike and Ike. Those however don't include the beaded looking allsorts, or the ribbon style. With the Mike and Ike's you just get two color choices in one shape, pink and white capsule shape. <br />Candy and gum go through trends like anything else. Some candies have real staying power as do so chewing gum products. Wrigley's doublemint and juicy fruit have been around forever. When it comes to chocolate, for more than a hundred years the hershey bar has been a classic. It has been a dry spell for me sweet-wise, so I decided to weigh in on what my cravings have been of late. I miss allsorts, ribbon candy (which resurfaces around Christmas), Beeman's gum, and the lately resurfacing pop rocks. <br />As I was reminescing about sweets from my childhood, I remember Momma telling me once that she had worked for a chocolate manufacturer as a young woman. The company had made the "Bun" bars (line has since been bought by another company). I remember her telling me that the assorted chocolates that come in boxes, had a unique swirl or design on top depending on the filling inside. She could no longer recall which was which, but one with a milk chocolate coating might have a clockwise swirl. Another, might have two squiggly lines. I had previously thought the swirls, etc, were just random and had no meaning. <br />Anyway, I remember those little wax "soda" bottles with a juice inside. I remember the bit o' honey that was so chewy, you'd swear it was pulling fillings. I know we enjoyed BlackJack and Clove gum. Before there was certs, there was sensen for breath freshening. And it seems like Snickers bars have been around forever. But I think one of my fondest memories is the boxes of Reese's Peanut butter cups miniatures before they were individually wrapped. We always had them chilled in the fridge. On a hot day, there was nothing like an ice cold Reese's mini! And what ever happened to "penny" candy? Remember the root beer striped sticks of hard candy? Or one of maybe 20 or more flavors? <br />You know, around Ralph's family, we don't mention Saf-t-pops. It seems that they were UNsafe for Ralph, he nearly choked to death on one of the ropelike paper twist handles. I still hold that there is NO substitute for parental supervision. I mean, Juli never choke on a handle! (although, she might have welcomed a little less supervision)<br />Anyway, there is once again sweets in the house, and I am about to enjoy a single serving, as per package. I know, what fun is that, but as I am diabetic, I have to include in my diet and behave. What a bummer. Comment back and let me know your "sweet" memories AND what is your current favorite!<br /></span></span></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-49224609936096456962009-08-16T11:39:00.000-07:002009-08-16T12:05:30.462-07:00(Mala)Props to her!<div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"> My late mother was the queen of malapropisms. The most memorable, perhaps, was at my ninth (and only) birthday party. We had the games, and I had blown out the candles and it was time to cut the cake. I know Laurie remembers this, Momma said, "I'll take the cake out of the candles..." I don't know how many laughs we shared over the years about that one. There were many other malapropisms over the years with Momma. Those years went by too fast and were far too few. </span></span></span></span><br /></div><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"></span></span></span></span></div><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"> This isn't just about her though. Juli is carrying on a fine family tradition of malapropisms. Her most outstanding one(so far), occurred on the way to the doctor's office recently. We both ended up near tears from laughing. We were discussing the changes in the law regarding young drivers. (I can't believe she's been driving two years now.) I mentioned the death of several teens not long ago, because of suspected cell phone use while driving. She intended to tell me if her cell phone rang, she pulled off the road to take the call. What she said was, "I pull over to DRIVE". Oh, the shared laughs with my daughter are the most precious!<br /> Moments like this just make me realize how fast time slips away. Momma's gone 11 years now. Juli only got to enjoy her for such a short time, but what an impact her love had on my baby girl. I am so glad my baby got to know the truly unconditional love of a grandma. Heaven knows, her other grandmother was jaded by having so many grandchildren, she never really shared the bond with Juli. More so perhaps, due to the fact that they never expected Ralph to parent any children, and never gave him credit as a father. His family seemed to assume they had to parent her for him, which only damaged his and Juli's bond more.<br /> Juli clings to memories of the grandma that truly loved no matter what. I want Juli to know that kind of love her whole life long. Whether it be from me, or friends, or who ever turns out to be "Mr. Right". (I have suspicions that God has made His plans somewhat known about that.) My little writer is wise beyond her years about what love is and should be. She is the brightest amalgam of strength and frailty, joy and sorrow, love and life. She has an old soul, with the strength that kept her Grandma "Creepie" alive for twenty two years longer than her Spiritualist Minister grandfather predicted. <br />Juli loved her Grandma with the same passion that Grandma loved her. Whether she was Grandma Streby, "Creepie", "Stumpy" (after her leg was amputated), or Grandma Conehead, she was most importantly, Juli''s Grandma!<br /></span></span></span></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">In memory of Martha Jessamine Fosnaugh Hile Streby, </span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">4/30/1926 to 5/6/1998.</span></span></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;"></span></span></span></span></div>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-49861077884754387712009-08-13T10:28:00.000-07:002009-08-13T10:42:45.596-07:00Oops, I goofed!<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Yesterday I posted my first entry here, a copy of a letter to the governor of my state. I was so excited to start using our new site that I tweeted on twitter.com/julismom AND put it in my status on Facebook, not realizing it's only in caps in the page header! Needless to say, nobody was able to access it. Thanks to a lifelong friend who's on Facebook, I found out and now the address is pasted on both from the address bar here. Hopefully this will let people find it. Yesterday was a blurry-eyed day for me thanks to the retinopathy. When my blood sugar values fluctuate, sometimes it increases the swelling in the retina and blurs things up for me. I hope to have all the entries from the old blog up and posted here soon. My little techie is sick. Her hydendritis has flared up in her right axilla again. For those of you who aren't familiar with med-speak, she has a couple cysts under her right arm. Yes, she just had the left side excised on June 26th. The right was excised in October 2006. Doc Chamberlain said that sometimes it comes back and he's had to do 2 or 3 surgeries to eliminate it. Apparently it runs in both families. I know my cousin, Jackie had the full-on skin graft surgeries on both at the same time when she was a girl. I mean a young girl, not that she's old, Oh I give up! I just keep typing myself into a corner! Anyway, soon as Juli's able, she'll import the old entries into the archive if possible. Expect more entries soon. Come back often as my mind is QUITE unpredictable. You know, whichever way the wind blows! Going to go now, my neuropathy is making me think I have something crawling just above my elbow but there's nothing there. That's usually a sign I need to take a break from using the computer! Bye<br /></span></span></span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564441173012113815.post-12605856752776235262009-08-12T12:20:00.000-07:002009-08-12T12:24:40.139-07:00An Open Letter to Governor Mitch Daniels<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">Dear Governor Daniels, </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">I thought you could use an update on how well the outsourcing is going on fssa. I FINALLY have an appeal hearing date on my turndown for medicaid for disabled workers. It is August 24, amazingly enough, that's this August! I got my initial turndown for last July (2008) application in late spring. I was turned down because, get this, they think I might still be able to do some kind of work. I am a brittle diabetic that has diabetic neuropathy, diabetic retinopathy, bipolar II disorder, asthma, hypertension and have been hearing disabled since age four. Do you have a job for someone that can barely walk, stand or sit for any length of time, that is also, hard of hearing and possibly going blind (if the retinopathy doesn't get treated), has difficulty breathing and may experience severe mood changes? If you know of anyone that would hire me, I would love to know. </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">In the meantime, I have to reuse my insulin needles until they're so dull they leave little scars. I rely on medications from assistance programs. These are not always the most effective medications because, not all are available thru a program. So my diabetes remains poorly controlled at the mercy of the state AND pharmaceutical companies that receive incentives from our state! </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">In the interim, my daughter, who will soon be 18 had her hoosier healthwise(?) canceled a second time, as did my husband's that covers his medicare premiums/copays. We successfully got them reinstated, having been through it before. On another note, our foodstamps have been reduced from $95/mo to $94/mo starting september. Our fixed income, which is just that, fixed, has not changed. </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">I work just 4 hours a week doing light housekeeping, cooking for a single client through the local council on aging, that I am employed by. When I started in 2003, I worked 21 hours per week. Now, it's all I can do to handle the two hours I go cook, wash the few dishes, help with paperwork, and light odds and ends I do for this gentleman. I don't know how much longer I will be able to do this. My eyes are rapidly approaching the point where I'll have to give up driving. Do I seriously have to go completely blind before I will get help? </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">Or is the plan like Survivor, outwit, outplay, OUTLAST? Is the system now designed to keep people in limbo until they give up or DIE?! </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">If the problems aren't fixed in time for me, I hope that in the future, they do get fixed. Indiana is rapidly becoming a geriatric state like Florida because all of our young people can't wait to get away. They watch Indiana's response to these problems, and are disappointed. Unlike Florida, we don't have the tourism industry to save us with tax dollars. It's in your hands, Governor Daniels, as am I. </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">Sincerely, one of your loyal (at least in the last election) constituents, </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">Marcia L.Carter</span>TOMAhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11298855893783006277noreply@blogger.com0