Scary Mother!

Munchausen isn't Mothering

I have been enjoying "Law & Order" on Netflix lately, the original series or as Julia puts it: the mother ship. I just watched an episode entitled "Precious". The subject was a parent that suffered "Munchausen by proxy" syndrome. I was drawn into the storyline. I found myself feeling angry. I was on board with Sam Waterston's character when he suggested sterilization as a plea bargain offer. 
I flashed back on my Julia's infancy. I remember feeling like I never achieved REM sleep the first year and a half of her life. I felt guilt over smoking during pregnancy. I worried that she would suffer crib death. I would wake up and use a flashlight to stare at her chest to see if it was moving and she was breathing. I still do. Not as often. But my guilt has never completely gone away. Julia was 4, 6, or 8 weeks premature, had  RSV at 2 1/2 months, and developed asthma by 1 1/2 years old, all likely due to my smoking during pregnancy. At least to my guilty mind. Not all of those conditions have been proven yet. I managed with the help of my mother and sister, to treat RSV at home using a warm mist humidifier, and a recliner to hold her in a slanted position 24/7 for over 3 days until her condition stabilized. In older children, and those that were not premature, RSV (respiratory syscinctial? virus) is not much more than a cold. For preemies with underdeveloped lungs, it can be and often is fatal. Today there exists a vaccine given to preemies at birth for RSV. A link between RSV and asthma has been shown to be probable. I struggled with guilt over every asthma attack, every episode of bronchitis, every time she had any breathing issue, even hyperventilation syndrome. 
I find myself baffled by someone who can kill for the rush they get from sympathy. I never wanted sympathy, I wanted a cure. I wanted to go back and never smoke. I worried sometimes that the doctors at the emergency room would think I was a sufferer of Munchausen because it felt like we were so often there. I didn't want attention. I wanted Julia to be well. I wanted her not to suffer because I was foolish enough to deny smoking could cause prematurity, etc. There was a portable crib in our bedroom and a regular crib in Julia's room. She never slept in her bedroom until she got her "big girl"  "Barney" bed. She was a year and half old. I nearly wore out the carpet after she started sleeping in there. If I got up to pee, I checked on her. If I woke up for any reason, I checked on her. Overprotective? Maybe. Guilt? Certainly. 
I cannot fathom "Munchausen by Proxy".  I think these people are missing a true maternal gene. They do not have the capacity in them to care for another person. I don't think that we necessarily sterilize them, but I think it should be offered them as a voluntary option. I think psychotherapy should be a mandate in any sentence related to the syndrome. It is stunning that there is no screening during pregnancy for this mental defect. If I had the capacity to scientificly study this, I would do so. If there were a screening, early intervention might help the sufferers cope and perhaps even play a role in raising children. Perhaps they haven't located enough victims to mandate a study. I find it terrifying that someone out there may have this, and no one knows or can help.   

Are Debtor's Prisons Making a Comeback? (when free isn't free)

Friends ~ I am an anger crier. The angrier I am, the more tears fall. Tears are streaming down my face right now. Did you know that you could be prosecuted for theft if you forget to return, misplace, or damage a library book if you can't afford to pay for it?!?!?!? I don't know where to start.
When Ali reached sexual maturity, it was a few weeks before we could get him fixed. We didn't know until well afterwards, that he had "anointed" a bag of library books. The cheesy plastic bags they use now do very little if any to deter liquids. Well, when we packed up and returned library books, they said the smell ruined books in other bags as well. I had lingered over returning the ones we found while cleaning because we found a few more that were damaged. I was already in fear of the bill for the ones already returned. Many were around $30 PLUS a $5 processing fee per book, because they charge you labor also.
Today, I got a letter in the mail from the prosecutor's office notifying me that if I don't return and/or pay for all damaged items, and appear on August 8th at 10 am, I will be prosecuted for theft and pursued accordingly.
I have a lot of problems with this for several reasons.
1. One of our founding fathers' principles was to eliminate the concept of debtor's prisons. I assumed this meant, that debts would be pursued as civil, not criminal matters.
2. I can only assume that those "storm clouds" are smoke rising from Simon J Peabody's grave. If he left any descendants, I think they should sue to have his name disassociated with the current incarnation of the library. He has to be spinning in his grave so fast he's making storm clouds of smoke. If something sounds like thunder, I would assume it to be him groans of agony of the perversion of his dream of a library for every man. So much for his dream of a FREE library.
3. If I have to pay a processing fee of $5 per item, and I assume 4 or more items processed per hour, I am DEFINITELY in the WRONG profession. (And to think I thought prostitution paid well.) This is RIDICULOUS!!
4. When did we lose the "FREE" anyway? I know it was Peabody Free Library from inception through my childhood at least. Sorry, Simon, I mourn with you.
5. Public libraries were intended to be a resource for every man, not just the wealthy. When did this change? Does the Andrew Carnegie Foundation know this changed. I certainly hope the local library doesn't receive grants from an honorable association as this!
6. The last time I checked, there was no longer any free legal aid. How are we supposed to defend ourselves? I have seen this communities public defenders, and most are a joke, revenge of the rich on poor.
7. I was always one of the library's BIGGEST proponents. Reality is a BITCH, (pardon my profanity, but reality is painful)
Well, this is a painful situation in more ways than I care to count.
I WAS a HEAVY USER of THE library, at one time holding the inter-library loan (ILL) record of 82 in one month. I used the android overdrive app to read e-books, easier on my neuropathy than holding heavy books, especially late in the day. I used the internet and the computers before I had my own and access at home. I did my online work there when I still sold Avon.
I am still grieving the loss of access to the public library. I know they made a lot of people angry when they offered free access to those whose township budgeted tax dollars for their funding and had a fee for those whose didn't. I have always lived in a township that participated. My heart aches over the loss. I cannot afford to buy books. If I could, I wouldn't need a free library. I think our community needs to take a stand against the library's new policies. It is ironic that an agent protected by the constitution under the 1st amendment umbrella wants to strip its patrons of freedom from prosecution for imprisonment for debts. It is indeed a dark day for Columbia City, home of the oppressed poor, and the Pol Pot of libraries. — at Columbia City, IN.

PS ~  The bills total over $1,100 for me and about $1,00 for Julia. We live off less than my bill for an average month!